20 More Signs You’re In EMS

I recently shared with you a list I found on EMS1.com entitled “Top 20 Signs You’re In EMS“. We’ll, they’ve expanded that list and I need to share it with you. There are two additional parts (so 40 items in total!!), so just like they did, I will also split these up over two posts. Here’s the forst one. 20 More Signs You’re In EMS:

  1. You think that caffeine should be available in IV form.
  2. You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.
  3. You have witnessed the charge nurse muttering down the hallway, “Who’s in charge of this mess anyway?”
  4. You have ever used the phrase “health-care reform” to instill fear into your coworkers’ hearts.
  5. You believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain.
  6. You have been exposed to so many X-rays that you consider radiation a form of birth control.
  7. You believe your patient is demonically possessed.
  8. You believe that the waiting room time should be proportional to length of time from symptom onset (“You’ve had the pain for three weeks? Well have a seat in the waiting room and we’ll get to you in three days”).
  9. Your most common assessment question is, “What changed tonight to make it an emergency after six hours/days/weeks/months/years?”
  10. You know the phone number to the local detox center by heart.
  11. You have ever had a patient say, “But I’m not pregnant, I can’t be pregnant. How can I be having a baby?”
  12. Your bladder expands to the same size as a Winnebago’s water tank.
  13. Your feet are slightly flatter and tougher than Fred Flinstone’s.
  14. Your immune system is so well developed that is has been known to attack squirrels in the backyard.
  15. You have a special shrine in your home to the inventor of Haldol. (…for me, it’s Versed)
  16. You have recurring nightmares about being knocked to the floor and run over by a portable X-ray machine.
  17. Your shoes have been seized and quarantined by either the Centers for Disease Control, OSHA, the EPA, or the Nuclear Regulatory Commission. (…or the State Bureau of Investigation, or local police department.)
  18. You’ve been chipping away at your Bachelor’s Degree for longer than most people take for their Doctorate.
  19. Your idea of thawing the holiday turkey consists of an IV and warmed saline.
  20. You hear the phrase, “I love you” more from the town drunks than you do from your significant other.

I laughed at a bunch of these. Many of them are so true for my career in the field. And, now that I’m out of it, it’s even more funny.


Found on EMS1.com